HERE I AM

Ever since I was little I have been cursed with a constant and overwhelming urge for perfectionism. This resulted in procrastination becoming second nature. My growing anxiety began limiting everything I tried to accomplish. The fear of not doing my absolute best caused me to blame the lack of effort I put into everything on just waiting until the last minute. Once high school started, missing assignments piled on top of each other and my grades started plummeting. By the time junior year came around, even my ambition for growing my YouTube channel began disappearing. In order to prevent myself from drowning in self hate and anxiety, I would tell myself "its fine, i'm just not that smart and I procrastinate, I'll just do better next time." 


But I would never "do better" as I continued lying to myself and making up excuses every single time. 

Senior year kicked my ass. Never in my life did I think I would let myself get to such a low point. I felt trapped inside my own life. Nothing was a priority. I got away with doing as little as I could. I stopped caring about everything and anything that benefited my success. I was more inconsistent with YouTube than I had ever been. The only thing motivating me to do somewhat well in school was my acceptance into my dream fashion school in New York City. By the end of senior year I had over 61 absences that I had to make up through over 20 hours of staying after school and attending Saturday school. I barely graduated. I risked losing my dream because of how irresponsible and lazy I was. I thought I had finally realized how badly I needed to change. Unfortunately, the freedom brought on by my last summer at home gave me no reason to attempt any kind of responsibility. 

I have now been living in New York City for 2 months and am almost finished with my first semester of college. I knew moving here and starting college would be the change I needed in order to start changing myself. I thought I would be able to become the motivated and hardworking person I knew I could be the minute I moved here. But in reality, I am still not quite there yet. And I am finally accepting that changing habits I have had the past 8 years is far from easy. It takes time. College is fucking hard. And I'm so glad it is. I'm forcing myself to bite off more than I can chew and put work into things I would usually be too scared to even finish. I am sick of limiting my potential simply because I am too lazy and too afraid of failure. That is seriously complete bullshit. 

Usually this would be the time I tell myself, for the 408th time this year, that I need to get my shit together. But this time is different. I don't need to get my shit together, I WANT to. And I AM going to. Because I am so bored with not doing shit. and I am so tired of the anxiety I give myself because I don't do shit. 

And no, none of this is said in a thirst for self pity. Self pity doesn't change shit. I say this hoping someone realizes how normal this all is and that they aren't alone. So don't think I want you to feel sorry for me, because I know damn well I am the only one to blame for getting to this point. 

So, heres to accomplishing everything I know I can. I deserve it. 

xo, em

W E L C O M E

Ah I'm so excited to get this blog started!!
Writing is something I have always loved, and clearly i'm obsessed with fashion, so combining the two serves a sweet ass piece of cake. As far as what to expect on this blog, i'm going to obviously be posting mainly about fashion related things. Besides plenty of Outfit of the Day's, i also want to expand on the more creative and high end side of fashion. There is so much this industry has to offer and I want to try my best to share what inspires me the most. I also want to create Mood boards, which are essentially a collection of pictures that showcase a certain mood or feeling that incorporate fashion. Fashion isn't going shopping and buying a ton of clothes, it's art. So don't just wear clothes, create looks.

I also want to bring you all into my head, (in the least creepiest way possible). I want to share my personal experiences on different topics like High School, insecurities, friends, boys, etc. I also want to share my opinions on things not many people like to talk about, but need to be talked about. All the controversial things like virginity, religion, the things teens tend to change & form their own opinions on. Im not trying to change peoples views, but I know I'm not the only one who feels like these things aren't as scary as everyone makes them seem.




Basically, I'm going for the "fashionable big sister aesthetic". So if that sounds like the kinda thing you're into, you've come to right place. // xo em